A Month and a Half Later

I'm so sorry that I have not posted for awhile.  I was hoping that I would have an interesting update or news when I posted again, but I really don't.

Our family has spent the past month and a half grieving and praying and trying to decide what to do next.  We had some time together with our church family after James died and a small memorial service for just family.  We also planted another tree.  So we now have the catalpa tree on the west side of the house for Samuel and an apple tree on the north side of the house for James.

Two days ago, I was finally able to pack up the clothes that we had hanging in the closet waiting for our little guy to come home.  That was pretty much awful.  I was so disappointed that I had washed all of the clothes that James had worn when Nate was with him in Liberia.  I wanted to have something of his that hadn't been washed.  So I was incredibly thankful two weeks ago, when Nate found a little washcloth in one of his suitcases that James had used that had never been unpacked.  I know it probably sounds silly, but it is such a gift to have that.

So where do we go from here?  What happens next?  We still really want to adopt a medical needs child from Liberia. Although we did not originally seek out this country, now that Nate has visited and fallen in love with it, we really want to continue to pursue it.  We just don't know when or how.

We've come to a decision that we do not want to continue working with the orphanage that James and Samuel were in. I certainly don't blame them for the boys' deaths, thats not it at all.  We've just had an extremely difficult time communicating with them.  I don't doubt their heart for the children, I am just so tired of having to fight our way through all of the miscommunication and frustration of working with them.  For that reason, we just can't continue with them.

Financially for us, this whole thing has been a leap of faith.  And I just want to cry when I think of the leap of faith some of you took to support us with your own money.  Our home study and I600A application fees with immigration are not "child specific" and can be used for a different child.  However, if we were going to move forward to adopt a child today, from our current vantage point, it would be insurmountable financially.  We were pursuing a legal guardianship with James and Samuel, which we got, but which was full of difficulties when it came to U.S. immigration.  We just aren't willing to go through that fight again. So next time, we want to pursue a full on adoption from the get go. This is more costly, however.

BUT, that doesn't mean we won't be able to afford it some time in the future.

With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible. 
Matthew19:26

Nate and I both feel very at peace about just sitting here for a bit and waiting.  Waiting until we figure out exactly where we feel God wants us next.  Waiting for God's perfect timing. We don't feel discouraged, but hopeful and even excited to see what that is going to look like!

So thank you again for all of your support, financially and emotionally.  This whole thing has been just crazy sad.  What I wouldn't give to hold James and Samuel in my arms RIGHT NOW... to just snuggle them up and love them to pieces!!  But there is nothing we can do except learn the lessons we've learned and to keep alive this new perspective we have on life.  We have so much and so many people have so little.  We are blessed with much, but we are also responsible for much!

Also, if anyone has any specific questions, please don't hesitate to ask.  I know a lot of people have hesitated to ask questions for fear of being nosy or making us sad, but we are really fine to talk about it, so don't be shy.

Sadness

I was able to speak with orphanage staff today.  They didn't really have any new details for me, but I needed to ask them to basically repeat our conversation from yesterday, as I really don't remember anything she told me.

Last week, Monday, James was throwing up a little bit. They did call and tell us about this, but at that time they had been feeding him a chocolate flavored Ensure that they thought may be upsetting his stomach.  Later that day, James pulled his tube out and was brought into the hospital to have it replaced and then sent home.
Wednesday he started vomiting again, they brought him in to the hospital and were told that he was fine and likely had a touch of the flu.

He seemed better, but Sunday night he started vomiting again and his nanny noticed drainage and blood seeping from around his feeding tube. She also said he just wasn't acting right.  They brought him in around 4am and hospital agreed to keep him for observation.  Orphanage staff found out that when his tube was replaced on Monday, the hospital had not had the right sized tube and had to place a smaller tube in.

Orphanage staff left around 8am to attend a meeting and then returned at 11am and stayed for about a half an hour. They said he seemed weak and sick, but was alert and smiled and didn't seem like he was in that bad of shape.  At 1pm the hospital called them and said he had died.  They didn't have a reason, they just said he had failed and died.  No bizarre drainage, no bleeding, nothing outwardly wrong.  He just died.

Thank you so much for your support.  The texts, emails, calls, flowers, meals and love are overwhelmingly generous.  We know we are not going through this alone.  Ultimately, we need to continue to place our faith in Jesus and continue to hope for His love to cover this often sad world.

Oh Heaven Help Us

I can't articulate this well, but just need to lay out the facts so you know.

I received a call from the orphanage director.  James passed away today.  We knew that he had been vomiting the past couple of days, but it had been thought that it was a certain flavor of Ensure they had been giving him.

It turns out it must have been something different.  He was brought into the hospital, but there really wasn't much they can do and we don't know for sure what happened.  I wasn't in a great state of mind when I heard the details.  I will be talking to orphanage staff again when I am in a better place to process things and will hopefully know more then.

Reality is, that this is what happens in third world countries.  FOR REAL, THOUSANDS OF CHILDREN DIE EVERYDAY FROM THINGS THAT WE CAN FIX WITH A SIMPLE TRIP TO A CLINIC OR URGENT CARE.  It's just not fair and it totally stinks.

Nate and I are so thankful that he got to spend time with James in Liberia.  You would think that would make it harder since Nate bonded with him, but somehow it makes it MUCH easier.

I almost wish I hadn't started this blog so that people wouldn't be following our story and wouldn't have to feel this sadness.  Thanks for loving us.

I600A Approved

We found out yesterday that our I600A was approved on Monday by USCIS.  Woohoo!!  The I600A approves Nate and I to adopt, but we are now waiting on the I600.  That will approve James to be able to immigrate to the US and be adopted here.  We are sooooo close!!!!!!

The I600 could be approved today or in two weeks or in two months.  I have no idea!!!!  But we are thankful that things are moving forward!

Just Waiting

We are in that waiting stage again.  There is absolutely nothing for me to do, but sit back and wait for others to do stuff!

We received notification that USCIS received our I600A (which is our application to be approved to bring an orphan to the US.) It is not approved yet, but they have received it and have begun processing it.  Now that we have that notification, I was able to contact Klobuchar's office so they can begin to attempt to expedite the procedure.

I also received word from Klobuchar's office that we can submit our I600 now as well.  The I600 is the application for James to be allowed to be adopted into the United States.  Originally, I was thinking that we needed to have our I600A approved before we submitted our I600, but a representative from Klobuchar's office checked into that for us and was told that we can submit the I600 now before our I600A is apporved.

So I sent off our I600 along with all the supporting documentation to the USCIS office today and hoped that I had filled it out and understood it all correctly!!

I haven't heard much on the Liberian side of things since they received our home study, so I also sent off an email to them as well to get an update on the process.

Now all we can do is sit and pray and wait and pray!!!!  Hopefully Nate will be packing soon for another trip!!

Home Study Complete and Sent!!

Our home study is complete!  It is being sent to USCIS (immigration) today and I emailed a copy of it to Liberia.

I also contacted Senator Klobuchar's office to help us expedite the approval of our I-600A.  The I-600A can typically take about 3 months to be approved, but we are hoping for much quicker!!

For those who don't know, the I-600A is the document that will give Nate and I approval to bring an orphan into the country.  It does not specifically approve James to come in to the country.  That approval will be the next step after our adoption is complete in Liberia.

Please pray for a quick process through the courts in Liberia and a quick approval from USCIS!

Thank you!!

Who Is This Chubby Little Boy?

We received this picture today. Check out the cheeks on James!! I hardly  recognized him! The orphanage was able to get a high calorie feeding for him and it is obviously working well!

We were excited to receive this update  and thought that would be all we would hear from the orphanage today, but nope!

I received an email around 7:30 this evening from the orphanage director asking me to call her ASAP. There was also a missed call from her on my phone. My heart just dropped and I tried not to freak out as I anticipated the worst. 

It turns out that little James pulled his feeding tube out this afternoon!! He had to be brought to the hospital and had it reinserted. It all went well, though, and he is back in the orphanage tonight. Hopefully he learned his lesson and won't do that again :).